An Ode to My Sleep
Kim Taehun (Tim)
Many of study makes
Many of sleep
We have to do homework
But it's tired to do work
We must sleep
With sleep deep
Sleep is poison
Because when we sleepen
It didn't like I sleepen
So I can't do anything
So sleep is poison thing
I will not sleep
With sleep deep
So I will not taste sleep
I will paste sleep's in poisoner's face
First, i think it will be an good poem if you say.............
ReplyDeleteIn the part, "i will not sleep, with sleep deep"
i want you to change like this
"i will not sleep, with deep sleep"^^~
But still it was great!!
You personified the sleep into poisoner. What an interesting idea!I like your story very much especially the last verse since I know the taste of sleep’s poison. However, you should deal with grammatical errors. Read closely, then you will see the mistakes. Good job! -TA Hyebin
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